Understanding Domestic Violence: Beyond the Surface

Written by Tanya Lamb

Do you ever wonder if you or someone you love is the victim of domestic violence? Domestic violence, often shrouded in silence and misunderstanding, extends far beyond the physical acts of aggression commonly depicted in the media. While bruises and broken bones are visible markers, domestic violence encompasses a wide range of abusive behaviors that leave deep, often invisible emotional scars. Understanding the full spectrum of domestic violence is crucial for identifying, preventing, and combating this pervasive issue. In this article, we will equip you with the facts and lesser-known forms of abuse so that you can fully understand what it entails.

Defining Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in any relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. This abuse can take many forms, including physical, sexual, emotional, economic, and psychological actions or threats. It's a multifaceted issue affecting individuals regardless of age, gender, socioeconomic status, race, or sexual orientation. Domestic violence takes place all over the world, every day. Chances are it is taking place in your neighborhood right now.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is the most recognizable and commonly known form of domestic violence. It includes actions like hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, strangling and any other form of physical harm. Many times, an abuser will physically harm their partner in places that are covered with clothing or do just enough not to leave marks. It can also involve denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and drug use.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse involves coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent including making a person perform an unwanted sexual act or engage in a sexual situation they don’t want to be in. It includes marital rape, attacking sexual parts of the body, physical violence followed by forcing sex or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse involves undermining an individual’s sense of self-worth and self- esteem. This can include constant criticism, name-calling, damaging a partner’s relationship with their children or parents or interfering with their ability to contact them. Very often abusers isolate their victims to prevent them from getting support and so that they may exert control and dominance over them.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is when the abuser makes the victim financially dependent. It includes control over financial resources, withholding access to money, or making the victim rely on a small allowance. Abusers also often forbid attendance at school or employment because both of those activities may make the victim no longer dependent on the abuser.

Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse involves causing fear by intimidation, threatening physical harm to oneself, partner, children, or partner’s family or friends, destruction of pets and property, and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work. Psychological and emotional abuse often overlap.

Coercive Control

Coercive control is a strategic form of ongoing oppression and terrorism used to instill fear. It’s not always accompanied by physical violence. Coercive control tactics include monitoring behaviors, restricting access to resources and people, and using threats and intimidation to maintain dominance. This form of abuse can be as devastating as physical violence, stripping away a person’s autonomy and freedom and wearing away at their sense of self.

Digital Abuse

In our technology-driven world, digital abuse is becoming increasingly prevalent. This involves the use of technology to harass, stalk, or intimidate a partner. Examples include sending threatening emails or messages, monitoring online activities, using GPS to track a partner's location, or impersonating someone online. It can also include distributing intimate pictures of a partner as part of a threat.

Cultural or Identity Abuse

This type of abuse involves using aspects of a victim’s cultural identity to inflict suffering. It can include preventing someone from practicing their religion, isolating them from their cultural community, or mocking their cultural practices and beliefs. Identity abuse can also encompass attacks on a person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or immigration status, leveraging these aspects to exert control and instill fear.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where the abuser makes the victi doubt their own reality and sanity. This can involve denying past events, trivializing the victim’s emotions, or presenting false information. Over time, gaslighting erodes the victim’s sense of reality and self-trust, making them increasingly dependent on the abuser. Gaslighting like emotional and psychological abuse often creates a separation from the victim’s support system because of the shame instilled.

The impact of Domestic Violence

The effects of domestic violence are profound and long-lasting. Victims may experience physical injuries, psychological trauma, and a host of health problems. The chronic stress associated with abuse can lead to issues like anxiety, depression, and post- traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Additionally, children who witness domestic violence often experience complex trauma (C-PTSD) and are at risk for emotional and behavioral problems. Very often they grow up to choose partners like the abusers they witness, perpetuating a cycle of generational abuse.

Barriers Victims Face When Leaving Their Abuser

One of the most challenging aspects of domestic violence is understanding why victims stay. When you truly understand the wide-ranging impact of domestic violence, you will understand how hard it is to leave. There are many reasons, including fear of the abuser, financial dependence, threats, emotional attachment, cultural or religious beliefs, concern for children, and lack of support. Abusers often use these factors to maintain control, again making it extremely difficult for victims to leave. Abusers also often tell their victims they are worthless, don’t deserve better and will be unwanted by anyone else.

Recognizing and Addressing Domestic Violence

Recognizing the signs of domestic violence is the first step toward intervention. Being alert to changes in behavior, unexplained injuries, and signs of anxiety or depression is crucial. Encouraging open communication and offering support without judgment is so important. Many people think lecturing and talking sense into someone will help when it does just the opposite. .

The Best Way to Support a Victim You Love

The single most important thing you can do for a loved one in a domestic violence situation is to be there when they are ready to make a change and refrain from judgment. Stay in touch with them and keep the lines of communication open. Remaining neutral will increase their confidence and support system, and could give them the much-needed courage to finally make the change. When they reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals it can be lifesaving. Numerous organizations provide resources and support, including hotlines, shelters, legal assistance, and counseling services. Helping victims create a safety plan and being aware of community resources can help them navigate the complex and dangerous process of leaving an abusive relationship.

Need help or know someone who does? Contact the National Domestic Violence

1.800.799.SAFE (7233), go to thehotline.org to chat live, or Text "START" to 88788

For more resources including state hotlines go to

https://www.gabbypetitofoundation.org/hotlines

*If you are in immediate danger, call 911.