How to Check In on a Friend After the Holidays
The days after the holidays can feel surprisingly quiet. The gatherings end, routines resume, and the emotional noise of December fades. For many people, this is when stress, loneliness, or unresolved feelings surface, especially for those who may have struggled quietly through the season in order to put on a brave face.
If you’ve found yourself wondering how a friend is really doing now that the holidays are over, that instinct matters. January is often when people feel safest acknowledging what they’ve been carrying, and a thoughtful check-in can make a real difference.
Why the Post-Holiday Period Is So Important
During the holidays, many people push through discomfort to keep the peace. They may tolerate difficult family dynamics, hide relationship stress, or silence their own needs to get through gatherings and expectations.
Once January arrives, that emotional effort catches up.
This is when friends may begin to feel:
emotionally exhausted
isolated after weeks of social activity
more aware of relationship tension
anxious or low after returning home
unsure how to talk about what they experienced
Checking in during this quieter window shows care, not curiosity or judgment, and creates space for honesty.
What a Healthy Check-In Actually Looks Like
Checking in doesn’t mean interrogating or forcing a conversation. In fact, the most effective check-ins are simple, open, and pressure-free.
Helpful ways to start include:
“How are you feeling now that the holidays are over?”
“I’ve been thinking about you — how are things going lately?”
“That time of year can be a lot. I’m here if you want to talk.”
“No pressure to explain anything — just wanted to check in.”
The goal isn’t to get answers. It’s to communicate availability.
Listening Matters More Than Fixing
If your friend opens up, resist the urge to immediately solve the problem. Many people don’t need advice; they need validation that what they are feeling and experiencing is legitimate.
You can support them by:
listening without interrupting
avoiding judgment or assumptions
reflecting what you hear (“That sounds really overwhelming.”)
affirming their feelings (“It makes sense you feel that way.”)
allowing pauses and silence
Sometimes, being believed is the most healing response.
When You’re Worried About Their Safety
If your concern goes beyond emotional stress — and you suspect your friend may be in an unhealthy or unsafe relationship — your role becomes particularly important.
Signs that may raise concern include:
isolation from friends or family
anxiety around communication or responding quickly
fear of upsetting a partner
secrecy about their phone or whereabouts
minimizing controlling or disrespectful behavior
appearing withdrawn, tense, or unsure of themselves
If this feels familiar, it’s important to approach the situation with care.
For step-by-step guidance on how to check in when safety may be a concern, we encourage you to read our full guide here.
That resource walks through what to say, what to avoid, and how to support someone without putting them at greater risk.
What Not to Say (Even With Good Intentions)
When you care about someone, it’s natural to want to protect them, but certain phrases can unintentionally shut down trust.
Try to avoid statements like:
“Why don’t you just leave?”
“I would never put up with that.”
“Are you sure you’re not overreacting?”
“You need to do something about this.”
These responses can make someone feel judged, misunderstood, or pressured. Remember, it is not easy to make major life changes, and the person in the situation needs to be ready.
Support works best when it’s steady, not urgent. If your friend expresses confusion, concern, or fear, you can mention resources in a low-pressure way:
“There are people trained to help with situations like this, if you ever want to talk to someone anonymously.”
“I came across a guide that explains this really well — I can send it if you’d like.”
“You don’t have to decide anything right now. Support is there when you want it.”
Let your friend choose the pace.
Consistency Matters More Than One Conversation
One check-in is helpful. Ongoing presence is even more powerful.
Simple follow-ups like:
“Thinking of you today.”
“How have things felt this week?”
“I’m here.”
…can remind someone that they’re not alone, even when they’re not ready to talk.
Taking Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting someone through a difficult time can be emotionally taxing. Make sure you:
set boundaries for your own wellbeing
talk to someone you trust if you’re feeling overwhelmed
remember that you cannot control someone else’s decisions
Caring does not mean carrying everything alone.
January can be a vulnerable time, and a single message, conversation, or moment of presence can help someone feel seen when they need it most.
The Gabby Petito Foundation encourages compassionate connection, informed awareness, and support rooted in respect. If you’re unsure how to help, starting with care and curiosity is always the right step.
Your concern matters. Your presence matters. And, sometimes, simply showing up is enough.
