Why Young Adults Normalize Unhealthy Relationship Behaviors and How to Recognize Red Flags Early
It’s never been easier to start a relationship or easier to misunderstand what a healthy relationship looks like. Young adults often navigate love and dating at the intersection of social media culture, fast-moving communication, and constant digital connection. Because of this, early warning signs of unhealthy behavior can be harder to spot, easier to explain away, and sometimes even mislabeled as “romantic.”
Understanding why these patterns get normalized is the first step toward preventing deeper harm and supporting safer relationships for yourself, your friends, and your community.
1. Why Unhealthy Behaviors Are Often Misunderstood as “Normal”
In modern culture, young adults normalize concerning behaviors for many reasons, but none of them indicate weakness or poor judgment. In fact, most arise from hope, social pressure, or the desire to make a relationship work.
Pop culture glamorizes intensity.
Movies, shows, and influencers often portray jealousy, possessiveness, or constant communication as signs of passion. When these patterns appear in real life, they can feel familiar and even expected.
Digital closeness blurs boundaries.
Daily check-ins, nonstop texting, and sharing passwords or locations have become common. This makes it harder to distinguish care from control.
Early red flags start small.
Most abusive or controlling relationships begin with subtle shifts — not obvious danger. By the time patterns emerge, the person may already feel deeply emotionally connected.
Pressure to “fix” the relationship.
Young adults often hear that relationships are supposed to be challenging. They may worry they’re overreacting or fear causing conflict.
Isolation happens gradually.
If a partner discourages certain friendships or activities, the young person may not notice the pattern until their support system feels smaller.
Recognizing these dynamics empowers young adults to trust themselves and to understand that feeling uncomfortable is a valid and important signal.
2. Early Red Flags Young Adults Often Overlook
These behaviors are common, but that does not make them healthy:
They check your phone or ask for passwords.
This is not trust-building — it’s privacy erosion.
They become upset when you don’t respond quickly enough.
You are not required to be constantly available.
They pressure you to stop hanging out with certain friends.
Isolation is one of the earliest signs of controlling behavior.
They monitor your social media activity.
Questions like “Why did you like that post?” or “Who’s that person?” can escalate.
They treat jealousy as love.
Jealousy is not affection; it’s insecurity projected outward.
They criticize your clothing, appearance, or decisions.
Healthy relationships support autonomy.
They make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.
Boundaries are a normal, essential part of emotional well-being.
A single instance may not be abuse, but patterns matter. If someone repeatedly violates your comfort or autonomy, the behavior deserves attention.
3. Why It’s So Hard to See These Behaviors as Red Flags
Many young adults believe:
“Everyone fights.”
“This is just how relationships work.”
“They’re just protective.”
“This is normal for our age.”
“I don’t want people thinking I’m being dramatic.”
These beliefs make red flags feel less urgent. But early unhealthy behaviors are often precursors to:
Emotional abuse
Digital abuse
Isolation
Control
Escalating manipulation
And, sometimes, physical harm
Education helps break the cycle earlier — before patterns become harder to leave.
4. How to Recognize When Something Isn’t Right
Use these questions as a self check-in:
Do I feel like myself in this relationship?
Or do you feel smaller, more anxious, or less confident?
Do I have privacy?
Or does your partner expect access to everything?
Do I feel free to say no?
Healthy relationships respect boundaries — not punish them.
Do I still spend time with friends and family?
Or does it feel easier to avoid conflict by staying close to your partner?
Does my partner accept responsibility when they’re wrong?
Or do you get blamed, guilted, or made to feel responsible for their emotions?
If these questions are hard to answer, it may be time to reach out for support.
5. What To Do If Something Feels Off
Talk to someone you trust.
Friends often notice shifts in mood, confidence, or independence before you do.
Document concerning patterns.
Writing things down can help you see the big picture more clearly.
Learn more about healthy vs. unhealthy behaviors.
Your instincts are powerful — and education strengthens them.
Explore safety planning, even if you think you don’t need it yet.
Our upcoming guide on safety planning can help you understand ways to protect yourself emotionally and digitally.
Review digital boundaries.
If online or device-based concerns feel relevant, our Digital Safety guide offers practical steps and warning signs that every young adult should know.
You do not need to wait for a situation to “get bad” in order to deserve support. Feeling uneasy is enough.
6. If You’re Worried About a Friend
Approach them gently:
“I’ve noticed you seem a little stressed lately. Want to talk about it?”
“I care about you, and I’m here if anything feels off.”
“You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.”
Your compassion may be the moment they realize they’re not alone.
For more structured guidance, you can also read our resource on how to talk to a friend you’re worried about.
You Deserve a Healthy Relationship
You deserve:
privacy
boundaries
respect
independence
safety
joy
If something feels wrong, confusing, or overwhelming, you are not imagining it, and you are not overreacting. Early red flags matter.
The Gabby Petito Foundation is committed to educating young adults, raising awareness, and offering resources that help people recognize unhealthy patterns before they escalate.
For more support, explore our Domestic Violence Resources page.
