What Not To Do When a Loved One Goes Missing: Myths, Mistakes, and Harmful Advice to Avoid

When someone you love goes missing, every moment becomes charged with fear, confusion, and urgency. You may feel pulled in a dozen directions at once — call everyone you know, search endlessly on social media, chase potential clues, or hold back out of fear of “doing the wrong thing.” It is one of the most emotionally overwhelming experiences a family can face.

While there is no perfect way to navigate those first hours, there are common mistakes and myths that can unintentionally slow down the search or create challenges for law enforcement, community responders, and the family itself. Knowing what NOT to do can help you stay focused, protect your loved one’s safety, and support a coordinated, effective response.

This guide explains the most important actions to avoid, and why they matter. For steps on what to do immediately, please read our companion guide: What To Do If a Loved One Goes Missing

1. Don’t Wait 24 Hours Before Contacting Law Enforcement

One of the most dangerous myths surrounding missing persons cases is the belief that you must wait 24 hours before filing a report. However, there is no federal law requiring a waiting period to report someone missing.

However, local agencies may have differing internal procedures, especially when the missing person is an adult over 18 years of age. This is why it is essential to:

• Contact the jurisdiction where they were last seen

• Clearly explain your concerns

• Ask how to file or initiate a welfare check

• Request guidance even if an official report cannot yet be entered
  

If a loved one has suddenly gone silent, is acting out of character, or is in a potentially dangerous situation, you should reach out to law enforcement right away. Early communication helps authorities understand the context, preserve potential evidence, and advise you on next steps.

2. Don’t Assume They Are “Just Taking Space” If Something Feels Wrong

People do occasionally withdraw or take time alone, but if your loved one has a known vulnerability, is in an unsafe relationship, or has suddenly broken normal communication patterns, trust your instincts.

Families often report wishing they had acted sooner, not later.

If you feel uneasy, you are not overreacting — you are being proactive.

3. Don’t Flood Social Media With Unverified Information

Social media can be a powerful tool when used responsibly. But it can also unintentionally spread false information, confuse timelines, or lead to harmful speculation. Before posting, avoid:

• Sharing unverified leads or rumors

• Posting private conversations or messages

• Naming or accusing potential suspects

• Posting old or misleading photos

• Revealing sensitive identifying information (locks, routines, car details)

Misinformation can overwhelm investigators or even create safety risks if the missing person is fleeing an unsafe situation.

When you are ready to share publicly, include only:

• A recent, clear photo

• Full name

• Last known location/time

• Police case number (if one exists)

• Official contact for tips

• A brief, factual statement

Keep emotions in your caption, but keep facts tight, simple, and accurate.

4. Don’t Conduct Disorganized Searches Without Coordination

Community-led searches often come from a place of love, but unorganized efforts can:

• Disturb potential evidence

• Put volunteers at risk

• Send people into unsafe or private areas

• Duplicate work already done by authorities

• Distract investigators from actionable leads

If a search becomes necessary, wait for guidance from:

• Local law enforcement

• Professional search-and-rescue teams

• Missing persons organizations

They can coordinate where, when, and how volunteers should help, so that everyone stays safe and follows the correct procedures.

5. Don’t Delete Any Messages, Photos, or Digital Activity

In moments of panic, many people clean up their phones or delete conversations that feel painful or private. But when someone is missing, digital information becomes extremely important.

Do not delete:

• Texts

• Emails

• Photos

• Voicemails

• Social media messages (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, etc.)

• Location-sharing history

• App activity

• Screenshots

Even something that seems insignificant may later help law enforcement construct a timeline, identify patterns, or confirm location data.

If you are unsure what to save, screenshot everything.

6. Don’t Confront Anyone You Believe May Be Involved

If tensions, suspicions, or relationship concerns are part of the situation, you may feel tempted to confront someone directly. Do not do this.

Confrontations can:

• Put you or others at risk

• Compromise evidence

• Escalate a dangerous situation

• Give someone time to hide or destroy information

Instead:

• Document your concerns

• Provide them to law enforcement

• Let trained professionals determine how to follow up

Your role is to share information, not to investigate.

7. Don’t Downplay Gut Feelings or “Small” Red Flags

When someone disappears, the mind tries to rationalize:

• “Maybe their phone died.”

• “They’re probably out with friends.”

• “They’ll text later.”

But if something feels off, it’s important to act rather than wait. Families often know more intuitively than anyone when something is wrong.

If your instincts feel urgent, treat them as legitimate.

8. Don’t Carry the Weight Alone

When a loved one goes missing, people often try to be “the strong one” and take on everything. But the emotional toll is enormous.

Allow others to help with:

• Making calls

• Sharing updates

• Coordinating with friends/family

• Handling social media

• Providing meals, childcare, and transportation

• Emotional support

You cannot pour from an empty cup. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness — it is a sign of wisdom.

You Are Not Alone

Facing the disappearance of a loved one is terrifying and overwhelming, but you do not have to face it without support. The Gabby Petito Foundation is committed to raising awareness, providing information, and standing with families who are searching for answers.

If you believe someone is in danger, contact local law enforcement right away and ask how to begin documenting your concerns. Your actions matter, and they can help bring someone home.